Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My cat gives me a boner
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
