It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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