THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I need to stop coming to work sober
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
