That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
