dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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