its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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