Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
