the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
