well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
