TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
