Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
