He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I need to stop coming to work sober
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
