Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
