god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
