there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
