We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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