Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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