:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
