I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
