She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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