It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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