She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
