Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
