Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
