Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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