He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
