omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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