Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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