My room smells like vodka and shame
I just made out with a guy for $7.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
