I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
