wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
