waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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