It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
