fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm always down for nudity.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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