he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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