trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Can I color on your dick again?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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