if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he thought i was a dude.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
