Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
