Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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