i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
