I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
