before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
