Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
