My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
