you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
