You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
