I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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