hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
True strength comes from lack of pants
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
