my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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