I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
